the path is the goal...

[zig]

i feel kind of sick to my stomach right now - calm but that nevertheless.

there's a pattern and i saw it a few months ago, and then it stopped and now it's started again

h is really nice - friendly really great and seemingly connecting - right before he pulls something on me

in the first weeks, we'd sleep together (happened 3 times) and then the next day he'd give me a little bomb - i'm going out of town to see ow, can you take care of son, i found a house to rent ,

this time, he just spent 2 really really great days with us and then dropped this little bomb.

what's making me slightly more sick this time - his mom did the same thing - was being really nice to me while behind the scenes this whole thing was going on.

when stuff like this happens, i want to run far away - but i know i can't.

i'm going to go meditate - i have to get myself out of this chaos - when will i learn that this is always how h functions, and when will i learn to just not care and be indifferent to all the crazy stuff

i made a point this evening - he didn't call back to let me know when he was getting s or to ask how he was doing, so finally i called and asked . he said he was waiting for me to call, and i just replied well, can't you make the effort sometimes - he replied that he really didn't think about it. i said fine when can u pick him up and he said right away. before i got off the phone he started saying it wasn't really a big deal was it that he hadn't called. i said it was ok, but i think i got my point across - he was uncomfortable when he got here- assuming that i was actually very angry about what he told me this morning - i made a point to be friendly and relaxed and casual.

aaargh - is this a bad development?