Ok, so I am really busting out all my newly acquired DB skills, but I am really struggling right now! I was calm and cool this morning when my husband and the father of our children informed me that he got a place with a lease that starts next weekend. Not only is it 20 minutes from here and by the beach (he said he will always live 5 minutes away so he can be here in minutes in case of emergency), it is a 3 bedroom place that is about 1,000 over the budget we talked about. The lease starts next Saturday. Here are our emails from this am, please help me decipher....
(I changed names to brother or therapist ) My email after him tells me he got the place: [color:#FF99FF]Ok. I would like to talk it over together with Therapist, the timing of things. We need to tell the kids & our professional aquantiences but I would like to discuss timing. I have been strong for the kids, myself and My brother. ( My brother was crying the night D2 was hitting her head on the floor screaming Daddy). Therapist told me that I will be the one that determines how the kids handle this. My mood will determine the mood of the house, for everyone living there, so I am trying my best to make a place of peace and love. Yes, they will definitely be negatively affected, that is not disputed in the studies. But they can learn resilience and self love from me, they will learn how to handle adversity from me, and that is my focus now. I am strong, but I am human. I have emotions and they are still raw. I thought things were fine until March 14th, less than a month ago. According to Therapist you have been emotionally checked out for quite some time, so this is much easier for you. So I want the timing of telling the kids and the "world" to be just right so I can stay the strong, consistent Mommy the kids need. Thanks.[/color]
Husband's email: Just because I got a place does not mean we have to do this right away. We can take time and ease into this. You are an amazing woman. And you are being very very strong.
I am glad we can discuss this and figure out what is best for you and the kids. I think your ideas are correct on timing and telling them. Thank you for being so strong.
My reply to him: [color:#FF9900]I just transferred the money for you, it will be in the wells account tomorrow. I don't like the thought of so much wasted money, so I think that you should move as soon as it's your place. We will be fine. That way I have my brother here for a bit to help me through the transition to single parenting. He leaves when the kids and I are in Hawaii and doesn't get back until the middle of June. Do you need some moving boxes? I can order you a set from costco. We will talk to Therapist on Monday about telling the kids since you are moving next Saturday. I am also doing some of my on research on the subject. Now is when I don't feel strong, when I think of their little faces:([/color]
[/color] His reply: I am very sad. I dont want to move next saturday. I will be in las vegas anyways. I am planning on seeing friend and spending time with my parents. this is hard for them as well.
I think we can plan on after you get back. I will just start to move things from the garage they dont know about and get it ready.
I dont feel strong right now either. i dont think we should tell them until we can do it in a good way. Lets talk to Therapist.
I am hurting too. I am sorry.
OK- anybody? Anyone? Am I handling this right? I would love a male perspective on what he is writing. This feels like a bad dream.
Thanks
M 37, H 37 M 10, T 12 S 4 D 2 3/14/12 ILYBNILWY 4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing 4/26/12 H moves to his new place
