soon after i posted he called and asked if he could come over to talk - i asked him to come after half and hour so that i could have time to center myself - i know there was something coming and there was
his parents have agreed to buy a house for him and he came over to tell me that. the financial strain on us has been terrible with the rent he has been paying. i kept telling myself that it's not the end of the world - that he still needs the time and space - and this way the financial strain will be off quite a bit
the very difficult thing i'm struggling with is his parent's decision - i know , out of my control - but i see it as them enabling him on this path IN SPITE OF them disapproving so much of what he is doing.
his father told him that his mom was scared that i would be upset. what she's really scared of is that she is helping me to set up my little business and knows me well enough to know, that now, i'm not going to want her help. and the stupid thing is that this comes 3 hrs before i'm going to her office where her photographer is going to take pics of my stuff and she's printing a post card for me.
and i am really struggling with this right now - i want to call her right away and say sorry, mil, i just can't take your help right now not with what you just agreed to do - knowing at the same time that i would be sabotaging my own efforts towards starting my business, and moving towards earning some money
so it's pride here and i am really struggling with that.
i need to see this as them not taking sides, but it is really hard for me to do that right now. i have listened to mil agonize and complain vociferously for 2 years about her kids, but i continuously see her enabling them
i have to go there at 3 ., and right now i don't think i can even look at her.
wow this is a real test for me - to put my emotions aside and still be okay with what there is - i can't even postpone this - because the pics have to go to the printer tomorrow
my trigger here - one of h's big grievances was that i allowed his and my parents to give us money to help us out and how it undermined his self-esteem - he made it sound like i forced him to do it.
on the other hand =maybe this will propel me to go take my own pics and get my own post card made and do this completely on my own
help!! i need a calm perspective here
there was tons more conversation - and i handled it all really well and then said i needed to get back to work. will journal about that later
labug - he brought up the name stuff and it was a calm conversation - no argument - thanks for the advice - it helped a lot
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
