Yesterday's counseling session with new counselor was phenomenal! Sooooooo much better than before. I actually left without crying. : )
C did most of the talking. Which is different because my other counselor just sat and listened to me ramble on. He basically told me that H is a co-dependent that needs to be in control and since he cannot fix his family's condition he feels like a failure. He takes what is closest to him (me) and places the blame on me and makes me the source of all the problem. He pushes me away and fears his emotions so he runs.
C and I both agreed that H is living in a fantasy world, not a real world and that people with emotional problems like his do not live in the real world. That is why whenever H would have ideas or plans and I would question the "what ifs" or "buts" H would say I was being negative when in reality I was just exploring the options. He is in what C called an "enmeshed co-dependent pattern".
We also agreed that if we split I will actually be more able to cope with reality than H because I am coming to terms with everything now and I have a good support system. H is just running and imagining an ideal scenario in which everything will be perfect. C also noted that H wdoesn't want to be married to me, but yet doesn't want me too far away. Reality is going to bite him hard when H realizes he will lose that control. C also thinks H is jealous and resentful of because I didn't grow up in a dysfunctional environment.
C thinks I should be more verbal with H and speak the truth in love. Tell H his behavior is destructive, in a non-attacking, non-blaming way, but don't expect change. I am not sure how I can word this in such a way that H will not take offense to it. I want it to sink in, but he has the wall up high not only to me, but to everyone.
Any thoughts? Suggestions??
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
