i don't want to argue, i don't want to "reason" but how does one deal with the conversation when one just wants to say what they think, not expecting the other one to even agree, but the other one keeps arguing about it. this scenario is coming up constantly now, and after months of not arguing, i find myself getting pulled into it.
h is insisting over-loudly and repeatedly that s is not affected and i am making too much of it. when he tries to draw me in, should i just stay quiet? it's not that i want to "win" this argument - i just want to able to help s work his way through this so he is in as a good a place as he can be emotionally
one of the patterns that h has always had is that he will admit and agree with me (which he has done on this issue, weeks ago) but then he goes on to sort of play devil's advocate and takes the opposite stand in this really stubborn way.
in the past it would drive me up the wall and i would always lose it - now i've 180ed that and am calm, but still finding it difficult to figure out how to respond in a healthy constructive manner
during our talks after the separation, he said that he did that because he didn't know how he really felt about whatever the issue was.( what's the real message i'm getting here???)
what was frustrating for me was that it was mostly unimportant stuff, but he would drive it into the ground and make the situation really unpleasant until i really and truly was upset. upset because he would choose to go on about something the exact opposite of what i knew he really felt about it
thanks for any help on this zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
