the path is the goal...

[labug]

techie problem - when i click on someones name, i only get to the list of posts they've made to others - how do i find their thread?

When you have located a thread with a response from the person, then click on their name and view posts.

Hope that makes sense.

h answered the phone when i called to say goodnight to s. s was still in the shower. he asked how i was and i said i was fine - and then he said, we need to continue this conversation one of these days

i asked - when would you like to do that - and found out right away that that was too aggressive - he's like a shy nervous horse right now - he immediately got a bit anxious and replied that he didn't know. so i just said gently that anytime was fine.

Or a squirrel you're trying to feed by hand.

so i shall try to be kind as he goes through what must be a terribly painful and scary time. and his casually asking me tonight if we should continue that conversation, one could almost see as him asking for help

how could i help him find his way in this, so that i am not doing the work but just supporting him? he told me a few weeks ago that he was terribly afraid of coming back that he felt terribly vulnerable - i thought he meant because he had an A and was scared i couldn't forgive him

but no, now i see that he feels terribly vulnerable because for the first 2 months after the separation, he cried and poured his heart out and bared his soul - and he's petrified i won't take care of it if he comes back

I know this is journalling and exploring but watch out for trying to fix him. That's his job, work on you and if he wants to work on him he will and things may fit nicely.

Most people experience fixing as control.

I think this was authored by TrueGritter:


The more you use pressure, the less they see your inner beauty and your charm.

Everybody thinks, professionals and non-professionals alike, they say to have a happy marriage or a happy relationship, you have to work at it.

But I say that it's the working that makes it not work.

When you criticize, you're working at improving your mate.

When you complain to your lover, you're working at improving them.

When you argue, you're working at improving them.

When you try to reason with them.

When you tell them how much you love them.

Both when you're reasoning and when you're telling them how much you love them, you are trying to change them. You are working at changing them. And it's that working at changing them, that is the only problem.


Stop all of that working. Allow and accept, one hundred percent, whatever your spouse thinks, feels, or does is perfectly okay.

It's perfectly okay.