Thanks guys, it really helps to know I'm not alone in this sort of feeling.
I think, too, that part of my problem is that I'm always waiting for 'something' to happen in my sitch.
I think I'm constantly hanging out for H to show some sign that he's changed his mind.
It's exhausting to live like this - constantly on the look-out for positive signs and constantly unsatisfied because nothing really changes.
I read and read and read on here in the hope that I'll find that someone, somewhere, has changed their mind and is going to reconcile. And if I do find that, I pore over the 'signs'.
Even when I detach from H's actions and manage not to take them personally and avoid getting drawn into his drama, I still can't shake this terrible empty feeling that comes from nothing happening night after night that can make me feel that I'm getting somewhere.
A lot of the time, I wonder if I'm not just drawing out the agony by DBing.
