Bugsy - after a night shift.. i sleep until i S comes home from school. my mom is there to watch D and my niece while i sleep. as for vegas.. that is not even a question!
HIW, Ces, Rick89, FN and Rick 63.. and everyone else that has sent positive thoughts and has been supporting me through this journey.
i'm scared. really scared. a had a little emotional meltdown before putting the kids to bed i'm trying really hard not to have hope or expectations. at the same time, i am trying not to close myself off to the potential for healing.
my kids are hurting. i see it all the time. yesterday, when i came to pick up S from school, he asked me if daddy was still at home. i reminded him that no.. he left yesterday. when we got home, i saw that S had been crying quietly on the way home. when i asked him what was wrong.. he said.. "i miss daddy". and all i could do was hug him.. hold him.. tell him "daddy really loves you" tell him.. how much i loved him.. and that i was right there.
i have been so broken by H's words and actions. and i wonder how i ever allowed that to happen. there are moments where i think.. there are other men who would love to be with me.. with my beautiful kids.. version 1.0 of me was good. but seriously.. i think i'm now version 3.0! serious upgrade!!!
i don't know.. i don't know.. i don't know...
i just don't know.
i feel as though the light inside me has dimmed a bit. i don't know what i need to do to jumpstart it again.
i can't believe retrouvaille is in 2 days. it seems like it was just yesterday when i thought.. it's 4 looooong months away. i feel so unprepared.
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
