NEVER SAY NO TO DIGGING OUT DANDELION ROOTS - serendipity
i'm looking for those serendipitous moments - without looking for them, and then they just come
went to school to pick up s, and he begged to stay and dig out this enormous dandelion with his friend - they had fun in gardening class today where they were digging them out so they got every last piece of the root - i saw them - some of them were well over a foot long
i said yes, even though i really wanted to get going, thinking that i wanted to garden with him at home, but he looked so relaxed and happy i said it's fine.
his friends mom, who is my dear sweet friend and only supporter of DB'ing (she should be giving advice on this board!!) and i hung out for an hour in the beautiful sunshine and talked. i finally got the biggest hug i've had in a long long time and it was good.
as i was telling her about what was going on , i found myself finding what was the trigger for me yesterday with what happened, and went one step further and found the original trigger that makes me overreact and feel so completely crazy when h does his 'cold, detached , not acknowledging what i am clearly seeing' thing .
and so one more layer of the onion peeled back and a little more clarity on myself.
it's funny how this works - every time i find something like this out about myself, not only does it release a lot of stuff, but suddenly i don't have to do it any more
i was reading about this kind of thing a while ago and it said that one's triggers are usually very weighted, and if one can find the original connection of what emotion the present situation evokes from ones past (usually some trauma) then one can realize that a lot of the present reaction is magnified because one is re-experiencing the past event consciously or sub-consciously through the present one and as soon as one can make the connection and deal with the past trauma, then the trigger is removed, and when similar things come up in the present they don't carry that past weight anymore
seems as if i have to go through some godawful panic state to get to each one of these and then i achieve another layer of calmness - starting to feel a bit psychotic here with all these ups and downs!!
but anyway - thanks to the dandelion root i got to uncover this today
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
