I just want to be friends...

[breakdownbill]

Hi YC

Firstly the email from your MIL, it sounds really positive - but we don't know if it was your H or your MIL who was making you the conversation subject. All I am saying is that, your MIL might be trying to give you hope, because she knows what's best for her son. It Is still positive though either way, I'm just playing devils advocate, as what she's saying isn't matching his actions.

I can totally see where you are coming from about the over friendliness that is basically just flirting. My W is a massive flirt and she craves and needs other people to flirt back and find her attractive (it's how she deals with her own insecurities). At times it has really annoyed me, but that's just how she is - and yes it did lead to an EA which ended up being a PA. But let's not go there :-(

I think that IC is probably the best thing for dealing with our insecurities, I know it has helped me out big time with mine.

YC we really can't make our spouses change their nature and behaviour, if we want to be with them, we have to accept them for who they are. Everyone has their own boundaries of course.

I don't get scared of rejection anymore, I get scared of the fear of not putting myself out there to be accepted or rejected. Sometimes, now I'm definitely quoting a book I started to read a while back, sometimes we have to feel the fear and do it anyway. It sounds like you know what you need to work on for YOU in terms of communicating and controling your emotions, MC might feel like pressure for your H.

I think you guys, just need to hang out more frequently and things might just happen naturally. The more you practice being together and interacting the better you'll both get at it. Then the anxieties and pressure will go and you both won't be over thinking things.

That's my take on it anyway.

Bill