the path is the goal...

[zig]

i've calmed down - again - journaling here has helped me to see the cycle i'm in finally

h's behavior implies even slightly that there is hope (or i read it like that) = me being in a good state

h's behavior implying no hope = panic state, anger resentment, blaming and all the other ugly parts of my personality including high levels of insecurity

therefore

my only resort = back to square one for myself,
- reading DB again
- GAL'ing more (i've slacked off on that recently)
- making a list of short term goals
- new 180 - stopping thoughts of this sitch
- best labug advice: stop looking over your shoulder to see if he's following you. move towards the strong, independent woman you can be.

i haven't been that woman in the pst 24 hrs, within myself. time to focus on her again.
i'm feeling a bit ashamed of my reactions since that appointment - still working on that- my tendency to over react constantly is really holding me back from letting go and moving forward

thanks for putting up with me , everyone here -

zig