Not sure where to start

[wishing, hoping]

Hi H&P -

So glad to have this community. At least I do not feel alone anymore.

It is hard to go dark when you have kids. I need to interact with H in order to make things as normal as possible for the kids, but it is so hard to interact with him and not "pursue" since I am a fixer. I have stopped calling him. I have stopped emailing him. I stopped trying to fix his issues or problems, even though it is so hard because I do care.

I need to just leave the past in the past because I rehash things in my head and dig up bones. Like him telling me he has no feelings for me. The Valentine's Card which read "to a special friend like you". Him telling me that he knows it won't take long for me to find a boyfriend. Those things are so hurtful. I know you should believe none of what they say and 50% of what they do, but he just seems so convinced. So done. So ready to move on. I keep thinking about the future and all the emotional things I have to deal with coming up and I just don't know how I am going to get through.