Not sure where to start

[wishing, hoping]

Journalling:

I hope the talk with the counselor goes well today because I am in a dark place right now and I am wondering why I am standing for a marriage to a man who is such a rush to divorce me? A man who runs off every weekend and leaves his wife and children behind? A man who chooses to spend Easter weekend with an almost perfect stranger tiling a kitchen rather than his family who loves him? A man who acts like a 17 year old kid looking for his next opportunity for rebellion?

I feel like I am pushing him farther and farther away. And I know pursuing and chasing is not going to bring us closer, but I miss that bond. It is so hard to detach. We were so close. So close and now I feel like a piece of velcro has been ripped from my heart.

I hate feeling so sappy and morose. It just is not me. But I am trying to work through these emotions the best I can.