journaling
h called back - and once again - one of those bizarre conversations - i know the type, they are part of the pattern - where he acted as if nothing, absolutely nothing was wrong - why did you think i was angry, i don't know what you are talking about, the appointment was great, and then riled for a few minutes about the whole mama/dad thing and how wrong i was and we have huge differences and he's not going to sit there quiet while i don't "Paint the correct picture"

i steered the conversation towards what we could agree to disagree and just used "i" sentences as much as i could. that if we could focus on not staying stuck in the disagreeing part, but find a way to work with what we are faced with in spite of disagreeing.

i told him what IC said to me yesterday - when i asked her what does one do when two people disagree and agree to disagree how do you move forward. her answer was to find out what the other person means and their values behind what they are saying. i described that to h and said that i was trying to do that as much as i could and respect his stand on things, but i needed the same respect to be heard and i didn't need him to agree with me with things about son

i also said that i felt very vulnerable in there, having to talk about these things that were difficult for both of us, and that it needed to be clear for him that by bringing them up i was not implying that they were his fault, they were just part of the situation that we needed to help son with

he did his little nonchalant act - basically dismissing everything i said in a mildly off hand way, so i ended the conversation, saying thanks for calling back and i need to go to bed. he replied by saying we could talk more about it later and probably should. i said that was fine and got off the phone

so i don't really know where it got us. i cannot validate his feelings if he chooses not to acknowledge them - and that's just that. i see my own pattern here - 10 years of trying to validate his feelings and just hitting a stone wall, and i simply have nowhere to go but bounce back and do the best i can - which is what i always did and am still doing. so much for detachment huh -

back to the drawing board, and start working on myself again.
tomorrow IS a new day

me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"