Its so hard to think outside of the marriage. For almost 30 years its been a part of who I am. Even though I didnt do a very good job of it. And believe me labug, I wish I could stop thinking about what was or was not going on with W and former best friend. I hate not knowing. But I waste too much time dwelling on it. I met with my counselor today. She thought that I'm doing better. Personally I wasn't feeling it. A very up and down day to say the least. I don't know if my life will ever be what I want. I need my W to love me again. Right now that seems so out of reach. But I realize that I can't depend on her for my happiness. I need to keep working on myself and make my own happiness. It just seems so hard right now.
