the path is the goal...

[labug]

First of all (((zig))

Now let it all go. No decisions about anything need to be made right now. The sky is not falling.

You are still trying to control the outcomes of this. You don't really know what H is telling your S. And is it so bad that he encouraged S to call you Mama again? Maybe he knew the lack of that was hurtful to you.

Whatever, his R with S is his. Let that go, trying to control it will only create more resentment from H.

And is it a dealbreaker if S doesn't call you mama for awhile? Maybe that's one of the only ways he has of showing his displeasure. Let him have it.

I think your expectations are creating all this upset. Your expectations for how you H is or isn't, your expectations of what the appt would be, your expectations of what H might do now. Your expectations of your S's reactions.

Was there a part of you that wanted this appt to show H how his leaving had affected S, to blame him fro leaving S and you?

Sit with your feelings and be honest with yourself.

It's the only way to get through this.