Do things that you want to because you love him, not because you want to win him back.
When I was still living with ex-b, and he dropped the first bomb, I went overboard doing things I thought he liked to win him over. These were things I would do anyway normally, but to a greater extent. What I didn't realize was a lot of it was part of the problem in the first place (his being smothered).
So don't go overboard on anything - do what you'd normally do or better, even LESS (since he obviously doesn't want you giving him too much anyway). And don't offer up suggestions. It isn't controlling, but he is a big boy and can do things himself. With ex-b, I can see his kitchen is messy and I won't touch a thing (as much as I feel like cleaning it and putting dishes in washer, etc.). I don't offer up too many suggestions, unless he asks - or it seems obvious that he's looking for one. What I do offer is support.
So support him, listen to him, but don't throw out lots of suggestions unless he asks. I do occasionally also if it will effect my time. Once we were going to dinner, getting gas and going to the bank. We stopped for gas first, and were less than a mile from the bank and at least 3 miles to dinner. He was going to do dinner first, but I said that the bank-drive through would be quicker in the long run ( the restaurant was on the way to his place, but the bank was in the opposite direction). We'd have wasted a half hour that neither of us really had.
So in some cases, it's okay (at least to me). But it if only has to do with him - just leave it alone.
