Not sure where to start

[wishing, hoping]

So after a few days of feeling strong the roller coaster is up and running again. I wish I knew what triggered these down times so I could combat them better.

Got home and decided to make pancakes and bacon for dinner. H gets home early (for him) and seems to be upbeat. At least with D. I am lucky to get a hello. He sees I am making dinner so he asks when dinner will be done because he is going to mow. I am shocked because the old H was a fanatic about mowing the lawn and lately he has shown little to no interest in our house or grounds whatsoever. I figure he is mowing so he can get ready to sell the house but I can't bear to think of that.

We ate dinner and he had small talk with D but didn't really say anything to be. I just acted upbeat and didn't let him bother me. It almost seemed okay except for him not talking to me. I guess he doesn't know what to say to me which is difficult to bear since he used to talk my ear off. I need to accept that my old H is gone. But it's hard.

Tomorrow is my appointment with my new counselor. I am looking forward to it. He seems very solution oriented.