I just want to be friends...

[breakdownbill]

Thanks Bill - I guess I performed a "mitzvah" come to think of it. I didn't realise it until now.

Saw my H this afternoon. He came over to drop off the car. I didn't feel numb. I actually quite looking forward to seeing him. So, when he arrived, it was good to see him. I felt...yeah, I felt!!

He brought some sausages and salami from Germany, along with some pork stuff. It was all very tasty. He stayed for a lot longer than I expected he would. A couple of hours at least. Very good. My heart was more open for sure, but I kept my distance.

I'm sitting here now and my heart is open again and warm. I'm learning Bill how to detach and love at the same time. Maybe I needed to go numb to switch gears, who knows. I feel good though.

Hey YC

I've just been reading your post & I think that the fact that you softened a little bit when your H came over, he didn't feel anxious & wanted to hang out. This is a big step, because that will be fresh in his memory, the last time he was with you - he had a good time (trust me this will make him think).

It's a balancing act, detaching so you protect yourself emotionally, but doing so lovingly so that you give enough encouragement to your H to pursue these good feelings and the source (YOU). That's all you have to do right now, just make the time you do spend together fun, pleasant and relaxed. It might just make the penny drop for your H, even if it doesn't it'll make you feel better if you're having a good time.

Bill