Cyrena, I think you're right about the woman who's attention I envied. I put my friendship with her first, and I didn't mind (or decided I wouldn't mind) that she dated other guys. The result was the she would call me more often for a date than I would call her. Other guys couldn't understand how I "pulled that off".
That's pretty much how I first started with my wife too. She was a hot item on campus and was tired of all the guys checking her out even when they were talking to her.
My advice for guys who are deathly afraid of being in the "friend zone" is they've got it completely backwards. You should totally enjoy being in the friend zone because women are, in my opinion anyway, generally more fun as friends than men. And if you're flirty, humorous and honest, before you know it some of those friend zones will turn into something more.
My only problem right now is I'm in the "friend zone" with my wife!
As for my straw men, negative opinions and other obsessions, I've said so much I'm not sure what exactly you might be talking about, though I'm sure I'd agree with some of what you mean. What am I doing here? Well, how about I just need to talk and have my feelings validated? As a woman, is that hard for you to understand? ;-) I know that if good therapists haven't been able to solve the problem in my marriage, then it's unlikely that anybody on this forum will have a magical answer. But does that mean I should just be quiet and keep it all in? You don't have to read my posts if you don't want to!
Rationalizing? Maybe. But I'm also dealing with reality, which hasn't changed in spite of many things I've tried. But I haven't given up yet.
