My kids were 12 and 7ish when this began. Both have acted out in ways that kids do... but could certainly be pointed to the M breakdown being the root...
I've actually done some checking there, with my kids...
As much as it was important for me to leave, even though it hurt me a lot to do so... my kids do not understand why I left and they are angry at me for leaving...
On the other hand... I have found that my kids are also very angry at my W for things specifically relating to the breakdown of the M... things like, "I was mad at mom because all she ever said, right at the beginning, was that she was [insert word]." I can't remember the word right now... something like "stuck" or "confused" or something similar... basically that was all she said and never showed my kids that she was sad or upset and wanted to try to "fix" things... even though I understand that she did not want the kids to see her sad, because she wanted to be a "rock" for them...
So yes, the kids will act out... and the root cause will be the breakdown of the M... and they will lash out at your W... and they will lash out at you...
The reason my kids don't lash out at me so much, is likely because they are generally with my W and feel that she is a constant... they are likely worried about lashing out at me because they think if they do, I will leave them forever...
Your kids don't want to loose you forever... so they will defend you... especially in your presence...
So you coloured eggs with the kids on Good Friday? Awesome! Are there any other memories that you would like to create with them around easter, or was that good enough?
Also, find ways to create NEW rituals and customs and traditions for you and the kids. They don't have to actually be any specific, currently traditional dates...
You could say something like:
"OK, the third weekend of every May is going to be 'May Day' from here on in. We are going to get 10 trees on that friday, draw faces on the pots and paint the trees with biodegradable, yellow paint on Saturday, and then on Sunday, we will plant them, sing songs to the trees, and eat an ice cream sandwich in their honour..."
What ever you do, be creative and allow your kids to join in the development of the tradition. What ever the message and meaning might be... or even if there is no meaning or the meaning is specifically to have no meaning and just have fun...
The kids will NEVER forget that and are likely to cherish (although, with a raised eyebrow, questioning your sanity) those moments...
