Light at the end of the tunnel?

[Redo]

Thanks so much for the valuable feedback friends!

Are they deal breakers for you?

KD : Some are not. But some definitely are because when i look back now with the glasses of my newfound wisdom, i think some will just throw me out for a spin. The way i am approaching now is that I am willing to make sacrifices and i am expecting her to make them too. In the past, i never expected any such stuff from her. Now i am. No point jumping back into the R and make both ourselves unhappy.

I haven't read your sitch, sorry, but it sounds like you really would benefit from MC together, so you have an objective "referee" to help you communicate safely with each other.

Thanks for stopping by adniva. Yup, MC is the route to go. But because of our distances right now (almost 220 miles apart) it is extremely hard. We did try going to an MC in my town for 4 visits. By then MC decided that W needed to get an IC of her own to address her issues. So now W feels that MC was not good. I decided to let that slide. So we are looking for a new one.

So the goal is for W to move back to our house. Looks like she wants to. But i am not ready yet. Amazing what a year can do to you. Last year, i would have jumped up and down at the prospect. Now i feel that i too need to weigh my thoughts and see how and where we are going.

That she got 'excited' about telling you about the T she found was an indication of that level of energy she gives.

YankeeCandle, thanks for stopping by. You got it. Yup, she said that she got excited as to what and how she learning stuff and wanted me to join in the excitement. When she did not see the same reaction from me (i have learnt to take things slow now), she got disappointed and out came the stuff.

Yup, we are looking for an MC. We have an appt with her IC next week who will be our temp MC until we can find one in my town.

You said: But even after telling her that, i had this nagging feeling whether she was hurt because of what i said.

This is you - not her. Those are your eggshells, she is not the one throwing them on the ground. So, a good place to start is to take responsibility for your own anticipation.

Yup, absolutely that is my issue and i am learning to slowly take things at face value and not read between the lines. These are some bad habits i developed during our marriage and will take some time. But as long as i am conscious about it, i am doing okay.

Yes, I appreciate your suggestions, I really do and I will see if it works in a schedule that I devise for myself. I've been trying to work on how to best work it with my job etc., and it's important that I do that otherwise I will feel like I can't make this work, and it could affect my self-esteem in the long run. So, while it's a simple schedule, it's actually a new way of being that I am teaching myself.

I like it!. Yea nowadays i am trying to tell her when she crossing the boundaries. I try to tell her that if she crosses them, then i affects me and that i cannot be a better partner to her. With this we seem to be doing okay.

In the past 2 weeks we came across some real serious discussions that we were able to complete and still keep our friendship going.