Just thinking that what appeared to be for me the worst year I could have ever lived through was in fact also the best year.
I may have this tragedy to deal with for the rest of my life, but at the same time I answered the hardest questions about my inner and outer being and found the answers to what was blocking me all along. Now, I am looking out at an unlimited world of opportunity and while there's some anxiety I feel it as a nervous excitement.
Dont get me wrong I still get the unexpected ball smash that reminds me of the loss, but I notice I keep waking up feeling this kind of exhilarating feeling of adventure waiting tinged with some fear and even that is welcome.
Rick - I'm glad you are coming out the other end of this crap. You sound almost like a butterfly coming out of it's chrysalis. You've been bound up in your cocoon for a long time and now you are learning to spread your wings and fly.
Good for you. Enjoy the ride!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Rick I have been reading your thread as well as others. In my situation it has taking me nearly 2 years for me to be where you are at. My D was final last October and until recently, I was still in a path of destruction. I would follow MWD 's advice and somehow screw it up. I found that I would always try to justify my actions to suit my sitch. Guess what I found out , that after redaing and being on these boards for over two years. It 's the vets on here that I never listened too., and when I did things were good. They were good for me and good for my sitch even though I know that I will never get back my ex.' Now with being said reading and lurking on here for some length of time, everyone seems to be of the same opinion, each of us know when enough is enough. I am at that point in my sitch right now. I will forever be sorry for all the pain I have caused not only my ex but my girls. I have rebuilt my relationship with them and now that's all that matters to me. My T has told me from the beginning that I will know. So its off and running for me now. I have great children, I have a great job, I have met and fostered many new relationships outside of my circle of friends. So my friend I will say this even though my M was not able to be saved I am a new man and I am very happy with him now. During my M I was the one who just provided for my family, on the outside things looked real good, deep down inside they were not. So now I have a new path with me being a new man. One day I may find love again, I want it to be right. After all the soul searching we all do on here, we will survive. I keep up with everyone on here on a daily basis and almost never reply, however since we started our group its brought new life back into me for these boards that actually saved me.
