I texted my h tonight to verify the time for tomorrow to meet for the quit deed.
What is a 'quit deed'? If it is what I think, it's basically an act of separating the property - is that right?
Why on earth are you calling him to verify the time and date for that if it is not what you want to do ultimately?
Let him chase you down, not the other way round. And, when he chases you, be ever so graceful about talking about it, but never outright agree. In fact, I've had to tell my own H, "I understand that this is what you want, but it is not something I want, so somehow we will have to compromise on things."
Stand your ground.
He will give you the 'you're trying to control me' line and WHO CARES!! So let him say what he likes. You need to act on your own behalf and for what you want at this point. Let him do all the legwork and convincing - but at the moment you are NOT buying what he is selling.
You might want to think of him as a vacuum cleaner salesman at the moment.
He is clearly the one wanting the divorce - not you. So, delay on that one as well in every way possible (you have doctor's appointments, you are so busy these days you can only make it at the end of the month - that sort of thing.) You need to buy some time here not only for your sake but for him as well (only he doesn't know it yet). 4 months is just not long enough - make it go for at least 8 months (1 month for every year you've been together).
Let him go find his lawyer, but make him be the one to serve you papers, make him do all the legwork. Every action that he takes, he will think about it long and hard. Every obstacle he has to overcome, he will have to use his BRAIN (not his penis) to figure out. You will be inadvertently snapping him out of his fog.
He may still take those actions, but at least the effort that he will need to put in will make him think every single time he makes a move.
And, whatever you do - be ever so gracious towards him, and continue to work on your own wants and needs and values and your 180's. You will give your M therefore the best chance of surviving, and your wellbeing a chance to flourish.
