Hi RoRo! My sitch is similar that H was and probably continues hid EA/PA. I would say it takes more time for us because our Hs are in way over their heads. Although we've been apart 9mos, I committed myself to DBing 5mos ago.
I have seen some major changes in both of us. However I believe it's because time has helped us.
Last night at coparenting counseling, he said he felt really good for the first time. He no longer was worried if I would explode. Funny thing is I rarely did, but he said he could tell on my face that I was upset.
What I also want to say is limit who you tell about your sitch. After some conversations, you'll end up more upset. You need to the most peaceful conversations cuz life is very emotional now. AND you need people to support your DBing efforts.
Our self esteem has been shot n we need to take care of ourselves.
Thinking of u!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Believe me...I know all about not telling certain people about my sitch. This friend though, is one of my GOOD friends and was more cracking a joke than anything. She knows I'm doing this because I want to save my M.
I've only told a select few what is really going on. Trying to take care of myself as best I can.
Isn't it funny how your H perspective on something is completely different than yours?
Don't give up just yet. You've been doing so well being patient and giving your H space to "cope". You're an incredibly strong woman, you can do this!
As a side note, have you read "Not Just Friends"? I'm slowly getting through it now. It has some good stuff. Although sometimes it's hard when H is lying in bed next to me, and as I'm reading the book, I want to say some things I just read...and it's hard not to. I wonder at what point is it ok to mention to them things we've learned from the book. I assume that they would have to be at least interested in recommitting.
Hey NH - You know what the opposite of patient is right? LOL Patience is ALWAYS something I've struggled with. And seeing H mope around the house or whatever is truly trying mine. I'm not feeling very strong right now.
I'll check out the book. I might actually have it on my Nook already. I've been trying to get through "After the Affair". I can actually read a few pages without getting angry now, so I guess that's progress.
I can't believe it's only been 3 months since I've been DBing. Feels like FOREVER. It really would be nice to have seen SOME progress, but I know it takes time and work. Just wish it didn't take so much. LOL
Nothing much different over here. H seems to be a little more back to normal (as much as he can be I guess). With his knee problems and my back problems the past week, its been kind of quiet. We've both been helpful if the other has needed something. I've been trying not to go into "fixer" mode, but it hasn't been easy. I hate to see people I love in pain. But I have been working hard at not taking over. H was looking for a dr to go to about his knee, and I was trying to help him so I gave him our insurance info. Later I asked him if he'd found anything. He said it wasn't working for him and asks me wasn't I looking. I told him I gave him the info and stopped looking after that. He seemed surprised, but didn't respond.
He has still been staying up late at night, and basically hugging the edge of the bed when he does sleep. I'm trying not to take it personally, as I know he's fighting his own demons, and I can't control that.
Yesterday was the first holiday we didn't go to church together. I had a meltdown while he was still in bed before I left. He didn't really say anything when I told him why. He did tell me I looked nice. Some very wise people told me not to take it personally and that he is probably just feeling guilty and church is the last place he wants to be right now.
I managed to hold it together for the rest of the day, but barely. He made sure to tell me that he had done the dishes, laundry, and ran to the store while i was gone. We ended up in separate rooms lounging for the rest of be day. He did treat for dinner and we watched Game of Thrones together last night.
Some things I've noticed: -He has been making a point to tell me who he is on the phone with. -He called me "Baby" on the phone for the first time in months (1st time this year!) today. I'm almost positive it was a slip up LOL -He is planning on attending my sister's graduation & party next month.
He still hasn't mentioned moving out or us separating. Or anything about his A. I've been quiet as a church mouse about it, which is a 180++++ for me. Still, I'm not sure how long this limbo can last.
I'm sitting in Urgent Care waiting to be seen about my back, so I have no idea if anything I just typed makes sense. LOL
Got a shot at Urgent Care for my back spasms. Apparently its the same thing they use in the NFL. It worked pretty good. Got prescriptions too, so hopefully I'll be pain free soon.
I agree with Rick. I've been thinking for some time now that your back troubles were stress related. Good that you got yourself some relief. Just be careful with the pain meds. They can become addicting.
If Rodney continues to be a source of pain and discomfort, perhaps you could self medicate by telling him to shape up or ship out!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
I figured the stress was manifesting itself in both our injuries. I had planned to get back to working out this week. Hoping that will help with stress relief.
I still can't figure out why Rodney is still here. Maybe I've been subconsciously stressing about it. Especially with all of my friends telling me to kick him out. Something for me to watch out for and nip in the bud when it does cross my mind.
