Detachment is a two edged sword. It means you have to sever your emotional connection to your H to a certain extent. His choices, his actions, his words have to no longer dictate whether or not you're going to be happy, angry or sad. The hardest part perhaps is deciding that you can be happy without him.
I know, it sounds like giving up, but there is a liberation to it. It actually makes it easier for you to work on the things that you want, objectivly, patiently and with a purpose. Remember that there are no guarantees. The only outcome you really want is for you to be happy again.
You can imagine that happiness with him in a flourishing marriage. But can you imagine a different outcome? This is the beginning of detachment. you say to yourself someone else is not going to dictate my emotionl state of being.
We've all been here. We've all been basket cases, hurt and in pain, embarassed, betrayed and feeling like failures. But in the end you've got to get to a place of peace and back in control of your emotions. The tools are GAL and taking good care of yourself. It takes time and is not an easy journey.
This ^^^^ is a very good example of detachment. I would copy and post this in a place where you can refer to it as needed. This will save your sanity over the long haul!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
