I am doing the "in-house" separation thing too...I know how you feel.
I did the flipping off from behind closed doors as well (sometimes two handed flip offs!), some exaggerated mimicry (behind closed doors off course)...but what really helped me was to use my meditation and music CDs with headphones...just tune them out...and A LOT of books...lol, I think I have read more books since BD (a couple weeks before yours) than I did in college.
Lots of walks (get a dog, or offer to help a neighbor walk theirs), a lot of extra time in at the office after hours, and lots of GAL like working out, etc.
I had to accept that I had a roommate with issues instead of a spouse...ugh...but once I accepted MY REALITY, it got a lot easier.
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Like really, who buys, "um, I just don't feel that way anymore. No emotional connection." To me, and other people I have talked to this does not make sense.
It doesn't, and I believe that somewhere hidden away, they know it as well. Myself, I think they have to convince themselves of that to justify OP, and/or what they are doing...almost as if they think pushing us away like that will somehow make it hurt less...IDK, anymore, and I think I am done trying to analyze it...
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Also, is it just me or do they do things to try and start fights or try and get reactions, even though they claim they don't care? Just curious.....
OH YES! Do they ever...in my sitch I think a lot of it was testing...testing if I would leave (be the bad guy), or if I could take it, to see if my changes were real, and of course, just some good ol' malice...W was such a sweetheart, man did I learn a side of the hidden her :P ...but like others have said...in MLC the mild BPD/HPD/NPD/PA or hidden or shadow sides come out in full force.
I think they DO care, in a twisted sort of way.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
