"IF"

[gunny]

good to hear from you ac, glad you seem to be moving into a bettr place emotionally, good luck with staying in contact with her.

[Rick1963]

Hey Gunny glad that you are feeling strong. Enjoy the weekend buddy

[any chance?]

Thanks Gunny. Enjoy the weekend. Let's connect next week.

[gunny]

Hello 25,
Sorry it has taken me so long to get back with thoughts on your questions,
I have had alot of time to reflect on what my w did not get in the m. She said, and I beleive, that she was looking for a connection, and she felt connected to Ohio, where she grew up. She is now living next door to her sister, who she is very close to. We are slowly starting to talk a little more substantially even while the paperwork is in progress. I believe she may have shaped her personality and lifestyle to conform to what she though I wanted, because she is a classic people pleaser and I can have a strong personality sometimes(not mean or aggressive, just strong willed). But really have not changed a great deal from when we were first married, We talked about not having kids befoe we got married, and she agreed that kids were not in her plans, but I think that changed as she approached her early forties, I think she regretted not having them.

Its almost as if she was in a deep freeze during our marriage, and as the years went along she started to defrost, and ever so slowly her real base self emeerged. For whatever reason, she believed that this person was incompatible with our marriage, It must have been exhausting for her, living a charade. I can perfectly understand where she was coming from, I only wish that I had been given the chance to work on our perceived issues. Its a shame to throw away 14 good years, and someone, (me), who literally would have given their life for their spouse. In the course of our lives, how often can we say this about anyone?

I thought I was her best friend, and I believe we are truly blessed if we have one truly best friend in our lives. Are we that rich in friends that we can afford to discard them awhen times get a little tough?

Thanks for listening, hope this has offered some insight, not sure that it is not me just venting!

[any chance?]

Gunny:
As per usual, our situations are quite similar. Is it possible that your W, who was in a deep freeze as you say, is in the process of a 'deep thaw'? I have no idea what is happening with my xW, but I do not that she has been contacting me more, leaning on me for help/advice, and actually called my mother on Easter. WTF? I am helping her with an upcoming job interview for a 6 month gig, which seems to be exactly what she needs. After that, who knows where her head will be at?

I think 'throwing away' is just not right. You have not thrown her away, nor have I. While I am not paralyzed waiting for her to change her mind, I am also in this for the long haul. Even if she never returns, which she probably will not, the love and devotion I have always felt with her will remain. I don't think you can throw something like that away.

Hang in there.

[jbnati]

Gunny, if your W is such a people pleaser, she's just going to go through this all over again with someone else if she can't work through it with you. Her relief is going to be temporary.

I do hope these are the signs of some "re-building" blocks for you.

Are we that rich in friends that we can afford to discard them awhen times get a little tough?

I hear you on this one, buddy. I'd say the answer to this is probably not. It may take discarding some good friends to learn that you have good friends, though. I would say by doing so, she's not being a very good friend to you.

PS - thought of you this weekend when I saw a truck parked out in the street with a special Marines license plate personalized with "GUN E".

Hang in there, buddy.

[gunny]

Got an email from w this afternoon, hoping that I had a good Easter and giving me her brothers email. I asked for it because I wanted to thank him for inviting me over for thanksgiving last year, now that I feel much more in control of myself I wanted to write him a composed letter.

Thats it for today, thanks all!

[gunny]

Journaling/venting.
Just received email from w.
Hi Gunny,
Just wanted to let you know that I sent the check for $ and you should get it by thursday.
Have you gotten to the Divorce Center yet? You said you were going to try to make it over there a couple of weeks ago and I was wondering what the status was.

Thanks Gunny

WIFE

I thought about it for a while, here is my response.

Hi Wife

Thanks for sending the check, I appreciate it. Did you take traveler(our dog) to the vet for a followup, if so how did it go?

I went to the Divorce Center last week, they sent me the preliminary paperwork, I filled it out and sent it back yesterday. I will keep you updated as to the progress.

Wife, please know that this is a VERY distateful chore. Please try to put yourself in my shoes and know that everytime you ask me about the my blood pressure goes up. Please let the system work.

You have done a great job in keeping me informed about traveler and I really appreciate that. You have continued to stay friendly and amicable and I appreciate that also. Trust me, I will continue to keep you informed,

Thanks Wife

Gunny

Any comments? All are welcome, thanks everyone

[jbnati]

Gunny, you probably could have left out the part where you were stating your opinion on the distastefulness of the chore. I'm right there with you, brother. However, your W probably doesn't give a rip right now about how you feel about it.

[Valeska19]

I agree with JB. I wont go as far as saying she doesn't care at all about your feelings... she just cares about hers more.

Either say thanks or don't reply. You can't stop her from nagging.. but if you don't want to talk about it.. it's ok.

Honestly, if she wants it so bad, she can take care of it.

That's my .02