Thanks for the reminder about the importance of detaching ncl.
It was brought home to me, again, yesterday by H's failure to turn up to see the kids.
On Sunday, just before he gave his apology, he'd told the kids that he'd be back the next day to do a range of things with us for Easter.
Specifically, he said that he'd come by after his shift ended at midday. He'd offered to pull down a big tree branch that was laying across the electricity wires coming from the street to our house. The kids wanted him to go out with them and he'd agreed, and he'd also indicated that he wanted to taste my casserole and would stay for dinner.
When we hadn't heard from him by 1.45pm, I bundled the kids in the car and took them into the city to see what was going on in the mall.
I pretty much expected a big pull-back from him after yesterday's apology. Regardless of what he says, I don't have expectations any more.
I do like to think that what stops him from following through on his promises is emotional turmoil.
I don't mean this in a nasty way - I'm trying to be compassionate and understanding. I imagine he could be feeling almost paralysed by depression and horror at what he's doing.
But anyway, the kids and I just have to get on with our little lives.
Today it's school holidays and we plan to take puppy to his first obedience class, followed by a movie for me and the kids (it's discount day).
I figure H will still be in nc mode for a while as he attempts to deal with the fact that he accepted some responsibility for his bad behaviour and gave me an apology.
I do wonder where apologising fits into the MLC script. I'd be keen to hear from anyone else whose S has taken to lobbing "I'm sorry; this is all my fault" into the field of play.
Seems like a real shift in POV from the standard rewriting of marital history and monster spew that is usually directed as the LBS.
