Opps pushed the wrong button. Im proud of myself in the way Im keeping up the house.I am definitely growing in that area.
I was still feeling very down because W would be missing. I should of went to church. I just couldnt. Going in to town is still a hurdle for me. Even though I knew W was out of town at her moms. I worry about running in to the possible OM too. All things I need to get over.
My folks got here first so i visited with them for awhile. They still dont support the idea that I shouldnt be moving on with my life. But that is my decision to make. When the kids started comimg I felt a little sad for some reason. I didnt want them to see me that way.
On Thursday I had visited my same sex friend who has beem a big help in this. I look to her for advice often. I had went pretty dark on my W and had quit all contact. I was believing that that is what she wanted. Anyway my friend suggested that I send W simple text wishing her a happy easter. I didnt really want to do it cuz I knew it would hurt if she didnt reply. But I did it and waited. No reply. Already emotional, that just put me alittle over the edge. I got in the shower and just bawled. The pain was huge. But I felt better afterwards,as I usually do. I finished getting ready. I noticed that I had a message. My W wished me the same and to enjoy the day with the kids. I dont know if she deliberately waited or what, it doesnt make any difference really. She replied and it made me feel good. The rest of the day went well.
I awoke this morning with the same.thoughts I usually do. Why is she treating me so cool? How are we going to get anywhere if we dont communicate? How long will it be before there is movement one way or the other? I did feel today that maybe some of the tension is less. Yesterday was a small positive.
