WHG: Looking for the shrinking cake

[workinghardguy]

Wow... it's almost been a week since I posted an update. I guess I don't feel the pain quite as much now... that's what usually drove my postings. And today's been a little tough so I guess it makes sense that I find myself posting

It's been a pretty good week. Saw the kids a lot this week as W went back to work after her week of vacation. S had his concert this past week and had a speaking role, he was so proud of himself. He's definitely not shy of public speaking or microphones.

Had SS, SD, and S from Friday morning through this morning. It felt sooo good having a full house again. I guess that's why I'm a little down now... went from a full house to just me and that's quite a downshift. Taking some time to adjust to again I guess.

SS and SD were really at each other much of the weekend which made it a challenge at times but we still had fun. Took them out to dinner, to the pottery shop (SD had to finish her piece from S's birthday party), walked along the river, had an Easter dinner on Saturday since it was the last night they were here, my mom came. Ended the night with a bonfire, s'mores, and glow in the dark bubbles that the Easter bunny brought SS and SD know there's no bunny but S still believes.

This morning I made them a big breakfast, we played some XBox and then took them back to W's house.

Haven't communicated with W much lately. Maybe once every few days about kid stuff. We talked a little this morning, again about kid stuff. She took the convo off into "her land" so she could vent about her life but I steered it back to the kids and then said I had to get going. She mentioned that she had woke up so hungry this morning and had thought about calling and asking if she could come over and have breakfast with us but she didn't because she didn't want to intrude. She's never been a huge fan of most of my cooking, but breakfast is the exception. She hates making breakfast and I love it and do a pretty good job

Then she asked me what I had going on today and invited me over for Easter dinner. It's her mom, sisters, and all their connections coming over... I told her I had plans but if I was in the area or felt like it I might drop by to say hi. I wasn't sure how I felt so I tried to buy some time. Plus I actually had a plan for today... after having three kids for three days my house needs some love, I wanted to get my garden tilled, the beds prepped, and outside work done. None of which would happen if I spend the afternoon at a place I don't feel all that welcome in with people whom aren't the folks I would volunteer to spend an afternoon with if I had the choice (except for my kids of course).

When I got home and thought about it I still couldn't figure out the invite. It felt to me like she was guilty about me being alone on the holiday. But it also felt like she was dreading dealing with her family all by herself (she's never had to do that btw... any time she's ever hosted a holiday thing with her family she's always been attached to someone). I don't know... I can't read her mind but as I thought about it I realized I didn't want to go. If either of those reasons were it then neither is good. If it's that she really just wanted me there... well... great, she can miss me then. I don't particularly want to spend time with her sisters, their husbands, and their kids... not if I don't have to. And I don't have to, so I didn't.