I think you are amazing. So much growth. I just begun that step. In Washington, it's 3 months. Not much time for dbing or anything for that matter. You have really good posts for people, I have cut and pasted some of your stuff in my db file. Thank you.
Easter was good... but having some hard interactions with my w.
She asked about when we were going to do taxes. I informed her that I was going to file separately. She proceeded to ask me if I was still filing as a domestic partner and to remind me that we were also supposed to complete the dissolution paperwork.
I told her we would have to reschedule because I was still waiting on checks from my car accident. That caused alot of banter.
She wanted to sign the papers before taking care of checks.
I said I wouldn't sign any paperwork until all finances are taken care of
She asked when that would be
I didn't respond. It's not on my high list of priorities to ensure things get done in a timely fashion.
Then she sent another email a few hours later asking why I didn't send my March health payment.
I said: because you haven't been cashing my payments
Her response: That is true, but you are still responsible for sending them.
I want to respond saying... no I am responsible for paying my insurance, not for sending you checks to cash at your leisure. If you want prompt payment, cash my damn checks.
It seems silly to me to keep sending her checks for her not to cash. There would be no reason to not cash it other than she is fearful and wants to cover herself somehow.
But I need to protect myself too.
This is soo hard.. and there is a part of me that just wants to yell....
...what do you want from me?
I'm not holding her up, I'm not screwing her over.. but to not financially protect myself is stupid.
Thoughts??
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Val think of it as child support. Send her the money for the insurance and don't worry if she is cashing the checks. Val let go. You both seem to be holding on. Am I wrong?
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Val, why do you allow yourself to stay emotionally connected to someone who has kicked you to the curb? Especially when you have the choice to disconnect yourself from the hurt. You have been doing so well and really should be letting this sort of thing get you down.
I agree with Rick, send her the checks on time and don't worry about whether or not she cashes them. And so what if she is trying to cover herself. That is her business and should not be a concern of yours. You do the same. And let go.
((((Val))))
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Sheeeesh, this reads so much like where I was last October. The banter back and forth was so wearing. I wished there was a way to smile and make it pleasant. The best I managed was to refrain from pushing her buttons directly. I hope you can do the same or better. What I mean is if she is to have a negative reaction let it be of her making.
IDK if this applies, when I compromised my W pressed for more. So I stopped compromising and stood my ground. At the time I thought “What is the worst that can happen, she’ll divorce me, oh wait she is” I know it is a bit of gallows humor, but it got me through a couple of rough patches. At the time I was determined not to help her divorce me. She eventually filed.
Sometimes it seems as though they need to push buttons. I believe they are just as emotionally tied to this dance as we are. I believe my W uses anger to fuel her drive. Perhaps yours too.
Over in the alt I was advised not to “there, there, it’ll be alright” too much. I find it difficult at this stage not to agree with your stance. So I’ll simply ask what do you want from this and are you obtaining it?
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I just want to be financially protected. With a few thousand dollars still in limbo with us, I can see her using my "lesser" payment against me when it comes to the car.
I'm also trying to take control of my life. To not be bullied or tempted when my buttons are pushed.
How this is all going down is something that I don't want. I don't want to have no communication or to set firm boundaries...
... I wish we could just talk civil. I know I am capable of that, but she is not for whatever reason.
In the end, I did not choose this way of handing the D... she did.
I just have to do the best I can and let God do the rest..
.. which btw
I just received an email that she deposited the checks.
Thanks for all your support.. and if you said a little prayer for me yesterday.. it was definitely heard.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
