Actually, Cassanova, at least in legend and literature, is considered to be a man who really knew how to woo women, how to make them feel beautiful, desired, understood--that they were really being seen and valued for who they were. This was the key to turning them on, not sexual technique. I believe the same thing is at work in many affairs: people fall in love with the image their lover has of them--it's not initially about with the sex--once they feel taken for granted by their spouse.
