peace has given you excellent advice. You can only control what you say or do. Your h is on his journey of discovery and that may take a very long time.
It is very normal for them not to admit having an op even when you have the evidence to prove your accusations. Unfortunately, the more you talk about her, the more he will deny it and yes, he will protect her no matter what. I will caution you on one thing...stop brining her up because the more you do, the more determined he will be in his justification that he was right to hook up w/her. He will be more determined to be w/her and believe me...they are very stubborn. The affair will need to die a natural death. A death that only they can perform.
I'm sorry you are going through this, but you are going to have to dig deep for patience to deal w/his crisis. However, the most important thing is to take care of yourself, watch your finances/assets and determine when it is time to separate your checking/savings accounts and your joint credit cards. I would suggest that you begin looking at all of those items now because if the op is now in the picture, your h is going to start spending like tomorrow will never come.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
