Just an update to those folks who have been advising me to accept that H has left our marriage and move forward with my life without him (LRT-like).

I've been trying to do this in the past week-10 days and have noticed some changes in our interactions.

Or, it could just be that H is in a 'normal' phase of his mood swings - or that he's wanting something from me and so is being nice.

Don't know, don't really care, but to anyone who is trying to enact LRT - this latest change in my H's behaviour might be of some interest.

Here's what happened today:
H texted me early Easter Sunday morning to say he was working till midday and could he see the kids then?

I was peeved, as he made it sound as if I 'keep' the kids from him - but I just texted happily back "No worries, we'll save the egg hunt till you get here".

He texted back "Thanks".

He arrived in a happy mood and commented on the great smell of the casserole I was cooking.

I never cooked when we were together, as he took this job as his own (cooking was his big thing). So, a 180 on my part here (he!!, almost a 360, as not only am I cooking - I'm doing a damn fine job at it!)

The house was clean, cosy and decorated for Easter with painted eggs and such. The added extra of great food cooking must have made it seem like a really nice place to be.

H even agreed to eat lunch with us and took a glass of wine and a cup of coffee (great step forward over recent months where he has refused just about everything).

After lunch he sat at the table with me chatting on a range of topics in a way that seemed like he'd never left. We seemed to be getting on like a house on fire.

Then, as he got up to go after about 2 hours, he stepped towards me and said "I'm so sorry for how I've been in the last few weeks. It's not you, it's all me; I'm so sorry".

He then lent in and kissed me on the cheek.

I hugged him back and said "If you'd ever like someone to talk to talk to, I'm here."

Then I just smiled and said "I hope you can work it out, and I walked towards the door."

He got tears in his eyes and thanked me again and went to say goodbye to the kids.

I've been listening to him (lots of eye contact), validating what he says, and generally acting as if I've accepted that our marriage is over and I'm getting on with things.
When I speak to him about the kids, I make every effort not to pressure or have expectations - I just tell him what our schedule is and let him know he is welcome to come.

I'm not doing this as a strategy, more like a survival technique. I know my best chance is to get on with my life and that I have to do this with or without him.

Not to say I don't have bouts of almost incapacitating sadness - but I also feel as if I'll be OK, at other times.

I'd still appreciate any feedback from anyone out there. It's good to get a bit of encouragement because I'm keeping my own expectations low on this change in our dynamic.