Thank you so much for all of the replies. After a hectic week it was nice to be with my kids, work in the yard and just basically do everyday things. While I was out running errands I couldn't help but notice all of the couples holding hands (lots of older people who probably have had their struggles, but still feel connected) and dads out with their kids. The boys and I are really missing the connection that we had and can't understand what my H has gained by his choice to leave. I guess it's not for us to understand, but rather except. I had to text my H today re money. I hate having to do that! We got it sorted out without too much drama, including him paying my attorney's retainer. However, he did say that all of the expenses will have to be calculated by our attorneys and divided. I texted back that I'm not paying for a divorce that I don't want (what a waste of money!). Not surprising, I didn't get a response. I also told him that I wanted limited contact with him since most communication can and should go through my attorney. I think he will respect that since he only contacts me about finances and house matters. I've read that many MLCers contact the LBS quite a bit, but mine hasn't.

My H continues to contact the boys, but they don't respond. They get that him wanting to see them is more about his needs then theirs. What they need is their family back together and he doesn't. When he has talked to them it's all his justication for why he had to leave. His latest text started with "I hope you can find it in your heart...." Again, all about what he needs from them. He hasn't said anything that indicates that he really wants to hear how they feel.

So I keep going back to what has he gained by all of this? He lives in a tiny studio apartment in a bad neighborhood, has the same job (good, but not satisfying), doesn't see his kids and has less money since he is supporting us. Is that life really better? I would have thought that after awhile he would have missed his life with us, but I guess not. It's almost like he feels compelled to follow through with his plan which includes divorce. I've read tons of information on MLC and it's still so unbelievable to me.

I'm continuing to work on detaching. Since I'm so busy I get through my day pretty easily. However, I continue to struggle with wanting to share my day with him. I am also still wearing my wedding ring. I just need to feel like I belong to somebody even though I know I don't. My ring means something to me still. I know it's a sham, but I just can't take it off. I can't except that my marriage is over even though I've been forced to go through the steps of divorce. I truly know the divorce won't be called off. Six months just isn't enough time for the MLC journey. For me, the best thing is NC. Life seems pretty normal until I have to deal with my H. Then all of the hurt, anger and loneliness comes back. Maybe in between contacts with him I'm in denial. I wish I knew how he spent his days and what goes through his mind. Does he feel happy, relieved, lonely, depressed? I don't know why I care. Clearly I'm not quite detached. Why am I struggling with this? I know my feelings say more about me and the work I need to do on myself.