Is she just doing this to hurt me back. Id like to think she isnt that type of person. She has changed since she took the admin.job. Even her own friends have noticed. You give a woman that kind of salary shes not going to put up with any BS from her H. Easier to walk away then to work on things.
No sex though, I did mention it a couple of times.
We havent ML since the middle of August. Sex is important to me, so you can imagine how I feel about that. I always wondered if she was having her needs met elsewhere. She has never been a real sexual person.
The above is filled with EXPECTATIONS.
Do you think that women(or men) DONT change? Was your wife always the same for your whole marriage?
Have you ever thought that men and women might have different NEEDS?
Have you ever considered that she may not need to go elsewhere to have her NEEDS met? Maybe she no longer has those NEEDS.(or at least right now she does not have them)
Let her go, maybe in the future you can rebuild you marriage but right now she just wants SPACE. That is her NEED.
I know I know. I AM FRUSTRATED. One of my greatest supporters told me he thinks she has her mind made up. Thats really bothering me. So yes Im venting. Better here then to her,but she wouldnt listen anyway. Yes I need to quit having expectations. Im giving her her space. Ive went to great lengths to give her that space, and I need to be so patient. Im just sick of the pain and the not knowing whats going on. I agree with you guys wholeheartedly!
I'm from what folks around here call "the other side of the fence"....that being, a WAW. My greatest encouragement I want to give you right this minute is to tell you my M survived my EA and we are still together. I have stayed here hoping to pay forward the help that was given me. Without the information from this community right here at DB...my M would be over, my family destroyed, and I probably would be...lord only knows in what kind of condition.
I have learned so much from the LBH's who have come through here in the past five years. I hope I can share a POV from the WAW mindset that will enable you in some small way to see your W a little better.
First, let me say this....I have noticed a common thought expressed from men who have are in this stitch, and that being they want the WAW to apologize to him for any discretion. It seems that most men think more in terms of a "cut & dried" deal. They want her to admit she was wrong, and they want her to apologize for it, and they want her to feel remorseful. Then he will forgive her and the M will resume and that's that.
I can understand, and it doesn't seem unreasonable at all. But here's the thing, if she did do all of that, and if you forgave her and she moved back home......it would only be a tiny part of a very long and painful process for both of you. So take a deep breath and keep on putting one foot in fron of the other.
When I had been on the board awhile, I responded to a LBH who expressed these same thoughts. Apparently, I lacked tack and was too blunt or harsh b/c the other more experienced LBH's tried to blow me out of the water. When I read that old post, it embarrasses me b/c I did not write it better. I was told that I should refrain from telling a LBH what I did b/c of his state of mind being so fragile. That really made me feel bad. The reason I even say any of this today is b/c I see my cohart has already prepared you with that information.
So, I say all of that to say this: It won't be a simple process, nor will it be short if you wish to save the M. Please, please continue your meds, b/c I for one know what it will do if you suddenly stop. You must take excellent care of your body, mind, and spirit. If one part suffers....it all suffers.
Come here to vent your frustrations and to seek advice. Your family & friends will not be unbiased.
You will survive this. That is really what DBing is all about.
Eat a good diet, get sleep, and excerise a lot.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sorry about my statement on money and women. I didnt mean to affend anyone. Roroinmd, you know what Im going through. Im hurt frustrated,angry and resentful. I sometimes come here just to vent. I should have thought more before I made the comment. Thank you for blasting me. I have it coming. Please accept my sincere apology.sp
Sandi2 Thank you so much for your post. It brought tears to my eyes. It is so good to here from the other side,especially when they bring a success story. Has you can tell Im having a bad day. Im having a real struggle with dispair. Your words have been very incouraging. I hope you will post more and tell me how you lived through it.
Sorry about my statement on money and women. I didnt mean to affend anyone. Roroinmd, you know what Im going through. Im hurt frustrated,angry and resentful. I sometimes come here just to vent. I should have thought more before I made the comment. Thank you for blasting me. I have it coming. Please accept my sincere apology.sp
You are allowed to VENT here. Of course it might be a good idea to proceed what you are saying with the words
Sorry about my statement on money and women. I didnt mean to affend anyone. Roroinmd, you know what Im going through. Im hurt frustrated,angry and resentful. I sometimes come here just to vent. I should have thought more before I made the comment. Thank you for blasting me. I have it coming. Please accept my sincere apology.sp
nd - Just wanted to point that out to you. We all vent here. I'm still dealing with my own anger issues. You are welcome to vent, but as Cadet said maybe preface it by saying you're venting so we all know where you're coming from and what advice to give.
Also, this board isn't really going to help if you write stuff only to impress us. That comment slipped out because something in you believes this. Trust me when I say in a million years it wouldn't have occurred to me to relate earning power with commitment to work on things. You thought of it. It's an ugly concept that may suggest something about how you see marital roles and what you really think of your W. Take the opportunity here to get feedback in a safe and anonymous forum and look really deep with honesty and improve yourself. This is a chance to make something good come out of a painful situation.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Ad beat me to it.^^^^ I composed a very similar post in my head last night but decided to think about it overnight.
Look back on what you wrote in your first post and then the one about your wife's salary. See any correlations?
This process is about digging deep into you and becoming a person your wife might want to come back to. It's necessary to face the ugly parts and be truthful with yourself.
It's not what we think that really matters, it's what your W thinks. Perhaps you have offended her in the same ways.
Good luck.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
When I read that old post, it embarrasses me b/c I did not write it better. I was told that I should refrain from telling a LBH what I did b/c of his state of mind being so fragile. That really made me feel bad. The reason I even say any of this today is b/c I see my cohart has already prepared you with that information.