It's not that you will never have a close relationship with him, you just can't have one right now. Be careful of catastrophic thinking -- it's a natural tendency when we face loss. Things absolutely will get better for you with or without H. Did you talk to a lawyer to ensure you're protected in this settlement you're putting together? You don't necessarily have to retain one to represent you, but I would at least explain what you're planning and get an opinion.

Hang in there, we are here for you.

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015