I'm from what folks around here call "the other side of the fence"....that being, a WAW. My greatest encouragement I want to give you right this minute is to tell you my M survived my EA and we are still together. I have stayed here hoping to pay forward the help that was given me. Without the information from this community right here at DB...my M would be over, my family destroyed, and I probably would be...lord only knows in what kind of condition.
I have learned so much from the LBH's who have come through here in the past five years. I hope I can share a POV from the WAW mindset that will enable you in some small way to see your W a little better.
First, let me say this....I have noticed a common thought expressed from men who have are in this stitch, and that being they want the WAW to apologize to him for any discretion. It seems that most men think more in terms of a "cut & dried" deal. They want her to admit she was wrong, and they want her to apologize for it, and they want her to feel remorseful. Then he will forgive her and the M will resume and that's that.
I can understand, and it doesn't seem unreasonable at all. But here's the thing, if she did do all of that, and if you forgave her and she moved back home......it would only be a tiny part of a very long and painful process for both of you. So take a deep breath and keep on putting one foot in fron of the other.
When I had been on the board awhile, I responded to a LBH who expressed these same thoughts. Apparently, I lacked tack and was too blunt or harsh b/c the other more experienced LBH's tried to blow me out of the water. When I read that old post, it embarrasses me b/c I did not write it better. I was told that I should refrain from telling a LBH what I did b/c of his state of mind being so fragile. That really made me feel bad. The reason I even say any of this today is b/c I see my cohart has already prepared you with that information.
So, I say all of that to say this: It won't be a simple process, nor will it be short if you wish to save the M. Please, please continue your meds, b/c I for one know what it will do if you suddenly stop. You must take excellent care of your body, mind, and spirit. If one part suffers....it all suffers.
Come here to vent your frustrations and to seek advice. Your family & friends will not be unbiased.
You will survive this. That is really what DBing is all about.
Eat a good diet, get sleep, and excerise a lot.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
When I read that old post, it embarrasses me b/c I did not write it better. I was told that I should refrain from telling a LBH what I did b/c of his state of mind being so fragile. That really made me feel bad. The reason I even say any of this today is b/c I see my cohart has already prepared you with that information. 