You're operating from a place of trauma. You're behaving like a traumatized child.
Know this.
That's why you're living on reese's/drinking, whatever. So maybe more like a traumatized teen.
I mean this with LOVE and respect and compassion. When I was in the same boat, it helped me to try to figure out what age I was at, what happened in my life then, and understand I was acting out of that place (as if I were not 40 years old)
See if you can try to cultivate that adult part of yourself and talk to her - is she 8? 18? Calm her down. Tell her "we don't live on reese's anymore, we eat healthy." Practice good self-care.
Remember your boundaries. You don't have to take anything in (a wall) or let anything out. You can take it all in and be a victim and let it all out (which is where I think you're at). Or you can choose to let in what you want and let the rest fall away.
What is getting you about this? Let's get at some of that.
There is a wonderful line in Byron Katie's inquiry practice that asks, "How do you treat yourself when you believe that thought." And basically when we believe stuff about other people "He doesn't listen" "He lies" "He hurt me" - we treat ourselves like crap! Makes no sense, but it's how it works.
