Not sure where to start

[Accuray]

WH,

I read your whole thread and you have my sympathies, I know how you feel and it's so frustrating. I kept thinking that H has found an OW but doesn't feel good about cheating so wants to rush through divorce so he can be "in the clear". That's what I attributed his attitude to, he wants to be let off the hook easily so he doesn't have to live with guilt. What do you think?

If that's true, I'd say the silver lining is that he'll eventually get a big dose of reality. Affair relationships are pretty much doomed to be short term and run their course, they're not based in reality. Let him go, it wouldn't surprise me at all if he comes back.

You also seem to be victim of some pursuer distancer dynamics. The coming home late thing coupled with your resentment of that behavior is script from the book "The Passion Trap". Check it out. The other book about that dynamic is "The Solo Partner". The latter says that you are the pursuer and H is the distancer. When you stop pursuing, H will freak out and wage a full on campaign to get you to pursue again. When you do, he will immediately start to distance again. It's a dance. The pursuit and distance chapter is online if you Google for "The Solo Partner Book Review"

Accuray