This morning I think W maybe hit her wall. I've been talking to my former roommates wife, and some people at UMass about what I can do. It doesn't look promising. Basically, the professionals are telling me she has to hit her wall on her own, and I should move on and let her go so someone can survive it and take care of the kids. That this might take years, and may never be the same again. You think DB'ing is counterintuitive, try letting your wife possibly lose it all, and then walking away. She crashed this morning...doesn't want to exist, doesn't want the responsibility of any of us, my beliefs are BS, etc. I can't decribe how bad it is. I hope she makes it. I decided I would take care of the practical stuff like the car and set her up so she can at least know where she stands financially and then off she goes. I dont know what else to do except keep following my gut feelings which are telling me its going to be allright for the kids and me. She is saying "f" her psyche doc too. Once she's out (soon) we can rebuild. Mario and Christina are moving back in so there will be me, and the five kids in all; a new family of sorts.
Hey Bro...
It's scary letting them walk in their own light. It's hard to do the "worse" , in "Better or worse"..
Is that her bottom ? Maybe so, maybe not. Although it is her processing things on her time. It is her looking inside of herself for answers, or partially looking for answers.
In the grand scheme of the Universe, you aren't allowed to know what her bottom is. You may never know what it is, or what it was. That's why it is HER bottom. What you think it is, or should be, is -in reality- not what it ends up being.
I have talked to several people, and read from quite a few more about that "bottom" time in their life. Some people call it the "Threshing Floor", where one stands totally exposed, asking questions and looking for the answers. It is also the place where we question our Faith, and our existence. We question everything about what we know, we give, receive. The LBS gets to that point much earlier than the Life Crisis people do.
They seem to vary, depending on the person. From as hard as having an accident victim die in their arms, to hearing a song on the radio. From staring at a pistol in their hands, to walking through the family room and realizing that they were they only thing missing from their "storybook" life. I read in the archives a few years back, of a woman who poured a cup of coffee one morning, went outside to sit with her OM, and had the casual thought of " Oh, I could be doing this with my Husband". Then got up and went home to work on things....
As hard as this is Rick, I can't think of a more loving thing to give to her. And I pray that one day, she can be healthy enough to give back to you and your family.
There isn't a lot of information written about the place you have reached here. Mostly because the LBS men don't usually last this long. I think it is pretty typical for the men to draw that line in the sand much sooner than our much smarter, superior sex, counterparts do. Mostly because us men have input from two sources. One which isn't that smart.... : o
How you stand now, is a reflection of what you have overcome in your life, what you have overcome through this, and what you are capable of overcoming in the future. What you show those wonderful little (and not so little anymore) people that look toward you for guidance in life. How you act, and who you are, is what they will emulate in their life.
The seeds that you sow today, will provide a harvest for you....
You know where to find me if you need an ear my friend.....
