I'm actually seeing my IC tomorrow. And you're right, KD, I am stuffing it. I don't know who to turn to. I feel like I can't tell my family anymore. They haven't been outwardly angry with H, but there are comments now and again that make me think otherwise (sister said once, "sometimes H acts like we're all just going to forget about what happened..." and my dad said today, "well, I'm avoiding my taxes... I guess technically I could claim you as a dependent because you lived half the year with me..."). I don't think I could handle them having to handle him. My best friend (the one who dated the chronic cheater) has said, "I don't even know how you're still in this... and that's coming from ME". Everyone seems to think I'm a fool for being here. I'm even questioning....
I think my plan B is to give her to my grandparents if I needed to check out for a while. They care for her during the day while I work. They have everything she could possibly need at their house, including breastmilk. If push came to shove, I could ask them and I know they would happily oblige.
Speaking of D and my girls trip, H isn't even watching her that weekend. My family is. I think that was his way of trying to not let me go by saying, "well, I'm only ok with the thought of you going if you get someone to watch the baby. That was supposed to be my guys day" (which it was. He had this guys thing thought out for a while now... I just happened to find the cheapest flight to my best friend on the same weekend). I don't know if he thought I wouldn't be able to do it, but I did. And I'm having the dog boarded. So he is responsibility free that weekend. And he hasn't given me any sh!t over it yet.
I'm hoping my weekend away will be help. I need something. I have seriously considered calling my doc to up my meds. I was hoping that if I gave this a while to blow over I would restabilize. But this has been, what, 3 weeks? And if anything, I'm more insane. So maybe I need to just bite the bullet and do it. And less than a week before this new incident, I was thinking about how best to come off the meds, most likely in the summer.
Guess that's out of the question now.
But yes, I'm pretty sure one more majorly stressful thing and I'm over the edge. I really can't take anymore.
