Stuck in Holding Pattern

[bustorama]

Hey Ben,

In the transition, yeah you need to be real careful not to smother, pressure, push, etc. She's still a squirrel ready to jump ship. It was almost comedy with my W how much so. I remember the second time we hung out after she had decided to come back and try again, and I was just going off about how much I loved her and all these things we were going to do together, etc.

The next morning she called and left this message about how she just didn't know if she could do this, it all felt so strange, she couldn't force feelings that weren't there (WAS sort of script again).

I had faith in the process (and my past experience) and didn't call, text or respond to her at all. After a few days, she came back seeking me out again. I actually kept pushing her away until she asked me to setup MC, she asked me for date time, etc.

If she seems ambivalent about contact/dating, then you be more (or at least) equally so. When she takes a step towards you, reciprocate IN KIND (but not more so). It's a gradual process, but will feel more natural and if you have patience and trust in it, you will reach the other side soon enough.

You have some structure built in to help you (the scheduled dating, etc.), but even on the dates don't go for the romantic/seductive vibe. Aim for NEW, fun things or activities. New restaurants, bars or activities you may have discovered during your GAL time so you can also share some of the new and improved you with your W. What sorts of things did you guys do as activities when you were first falling in love?

Re: the OM, I suggest you ONLY raise that with your W in the safety of your C office. They do have experience with the appropriate timing of this and in doing it in a relatively non-confrontational/accusatory way that supports the marriage/relationship and can be more constructive. It really comes down to you feeling unsafe with this OM in the picture in whatever form and that is something that needs to be addressed openly and concretely.