I appreciate this so much! You have no idea how much easier it is to understand and fully grasp hearing it from you two personally! Especially in regards to sex!
T^2...that is so encouraging that your wife is showing signs of peeking out of the tunnel. It sounds as if she is doing that to me as well. From what Ive read she's showing positive acts of kindness towards you. Im amazed at your patience and how you've managed to keep it together during this time, and in the same house.
Thanks for validating my feelings of resentment. All I know is to let those feelings surface, and vent about them. AFter I vent, those feelings at the time are let go. Each time something happens to trigger those feelings, it's less and less. That encourages me that Im working towards where I want to be.
I really had no idea about how the negative reactions seen in men have so much to do when there's not a positive response from us. I apologize !
I would just like to share that if we don't give you the positive response that you'd really like to have, that it's not a personal rejection of you or purposely towards you. Especially if we're busy women, and juggling many things. WE don't intentionally ignore you or put you on the back burner to make you feel neglected or abandoned. Women are master multi taskers and we can end up getting so much going on, that we may not pick up on those things.
I know for me, little things like taking the garbage out, doing the dishes, entertaining the kids, and some talking about the other's days made a huge difference in my interest in sex. Why so? Mental itimacy. For women if you turn our minds on, then our bodies are soon to follow.
Sex became a serious issue between us over the last few years, which was very disappointing for the both of us. We always had a very good sex life. However where things went awry was how he started to feel very rejected by me, when I NEVER was rejecting him or the act of sex. It was timing and well "priming" I guess you could say.
Believe it or not I used to be the type that could be spontaneous and drop it all for a great time with my husband. He was SPOILED that way. Then as life started to become real, it got much harder for me to be in the mood spontaneously. Our schedules were going two different directions, we had the girls, and when there was finally a chance to get time, I was tired and drained,and so was he! Where things started going haywire, is that in order to have any time together, the spontanaity started to go, and more careful together planning was needed. With two jobs going in two different directions, kids pounding on the doors, and such a busy life, well that's the only way I could figure we could have some time alone, was to plan it. Have a date night. Carve out time just the two of us. When I started suggesting that, he wasn't happy and it was a total turn off for him I guess. I would try to initiate it, and he'd reject me.
It's not that I didn't want to be sponaneous, it just literally was pretty darn difficult to be that way. He felt VERY rejected over this and it killed him. I told him that it never was him, or the act of sex, it was just timing and that I missed our sex life very much too, and could we PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. His response was " well if I don't get it, then I don't want it at all". T
Enter MLC rationale and his main reason for leaving me was no sex, yet he had no problem striking up a sex life the week before he left and a few weeks after he left. His excuse: "Im just trying to find any spark, any connection, anything to try and see if there's anything left. There's not, it's just sex". Talk about a broken heart. Gee nothing like being used by your own husband.....lOL.
I can not thank you enough for breaking the code gentlemen! I promise not to tell. You've done a very good thing. You've helped me find clarity where I just couldn't quite see through the fog no matter how hard I tried. It really helps to hear it from the source!
I want to believe that the self absorption has receded for now and that Im seeing the old, wonderful him again. I want to believe that what I do think of him is important to him, but I am curious as to why. I can now look back over the last 2 -3 weeks. Based on his responses/no responses, I don't think I've exactly given him the positive reactions he possibly wanted from me. Honestly I think he really wanted to know he was wanted by me and the kids to accompany us to the out of town MD appointment. When I let him know I made my own plans, he seemed to back off quite a bit. No more talking to me at the door when dropping kids off, and texting quite short, to the point, almost irritable, up until the last few days.
Hmmmm. You've given me much to think about Jedi Masters!
