Well we had the conversation when he got home tonight. He actually asked me if we were going to start MC next week and when I said no he said "why not?"
I explained that I felt that I can't see myself getting over the trust issue (he has not shown any remorse or work of any kind so not sure how I could)
He said "well isn't that what marriage counseling is for, we can't just throw away 20 years without MC." and I said well I think the straw that "threw away" 20 years was the EA that I discovered, especially with our past history.
He said "they were just a few stupid emails"
At this point I got quiet and listened, nodding and saying "i understand you feel that way"
We discussed financial and I assured him that I would work with him and knew that we both have the boys interest at heart. He said "i will never mess with you financially and I think you can agree that I didn't the last time we went through this"
I agreed with him (but I will still have everything go through my L to ensure my safety and the boys)
He said so what are you saying, and I responded "this marriage is very unhealthy and I don't feel that it should continue. I will be filing for divorce soon"
He brought up abandonment as the reason he can't move out now, and I told him I would put it in writing that I won't hold that against him. He said "i need to think" and went out to cut the lawn.
I feel good, and still strong. I feel a sense of relief which I think is good.
The boys went out with their friends and he just came to tell me he was "going out". I said "ok" with no additional questions.
I will go to visit with a friend for a bit just for a change of scenery.
