Her reasoning is the part that makes me want to laugh up a storm. We talked about Couchsurfing the other day; I explained to her the pretty lengthy and detailed verification process for that PARTICULAR site. She reminded me of a case back in her hometown in Texas where a preacher and fellow Bible student became a convicted pedophile. She said that good people can be pedophiles too. I just validated her ("yes, I agree.") and ended the conversation there; in the bigger picture, it just isn't worth to fight over this.
that^^^ is part of the bigger picture so why do you now (below) go on to argue it?
My point being: Maybe I should conduct a background check for each of the new church members that I hang out with; my wife doesn't know many of the new people that joined since she left 1.5 years ago. Our son hangs out with them a lot. Why doesn't she tell me to cease or desist?
I guess this is sarcasm...
From the you-never-know-what's-going-to-happen-who-you're-going-to-meet perspective, maybe I should stop driving our son around too. You never know when something "bad" will happen, correct?
Maybe I should ask my wife to stop my wife from bringing our son to see her parents. After all, they have been deemed by two of our therapists to have invoked emotional incest on her. So by pure face-value judgement of character, they are dangerous people to be around. this^^^ MIGHT be valid...
but why don't you take LITB's advice and stop having house guests you don't know WHILE you have your son with you, at all....OR at least while a divorce is pending? This is not brilliant on your end.
Stop fighting it. But don't tell her you were "wrong' or a bad father.
Just say, "W, for the record, there is a stringent vetting process for that organization, in addition to my own. BUT out of respect for your wishes/concerns, I'll end my r with that organization. "
You can renew it later IF YOU THINK IT'S WISE...I'm not sure it is. I have 3 kids and if I had a kid that young, I would not have strangers in my house unsupervised at all...period. Even if I was there 24/7, I am not sure I'd have strangers in my house overnight WHEN I had my 3 y/o with me, especially as a single parent. Why are you doing this anyhow?
To save money?
I want to adopt a child or at least do Foster care. (I'm talking real life now).
My h and I agreed that we will NOT get a child who is bigger or stronger than our d at home. Period.
I saw my sister's stepson grow into a pretty "well behaved" sociopath (when he didn't know adults were watching, he was really just....evil to the other nieces/nephews and then did GREAT feigned concern about their injuries which he inflicted). He became dangerous and CPS got involved.
After he started a few fires, he was harder and harder to place...
Don't risk losing your child b/c your ego is bruised. Think Big picture here, Alamo...big picture...
1) you could lose him to your w and not see him often at all...or
2) she could have a point... something could happen to him & you'd lose him for real.
How would YOU fare then? You'd be a basket case - like all of us.
And yes, I'm venting again. Been doing that a lot lately. My heart has been in pieces lately from what's coming up soon.
Stay strong, w/an eyr on the long view. Let your L know about the "emotional incest" though. It's a valid point and may get her off your back.
BUT LET THE LAWYER bring it up b/c if you do, that's a nuke and you don't want a nuclear war with her.
Hey there 25 -- how's your week going? Thanks for dropping in again!
Anyway, for my response to my wife, see my posts on 4/2 and 4/3/12; I've stopped the couchsurfing activity since then.
To answer your questions:
- Couchsurfing (CSing) doesn't save money or anything. You help passing world/local travelers on a low budget, and if you have time you show them around town, etc. In return, they cook you a meal or two, rake your lawn, share travel stories, exchange cultures, etc, but not exclusively or necessarily. - Why now? I've been CSing since last year actually, but only got my first travelers Xmas of 2011. Further back than that, I was brought up in a home where my parents (who were local missionaries back in Asia) hosted people/friends almost every week or two. There were people we knew, but many we didn't. All we had in common was that we were mostly Christian. So my parents inculcated in me (perhaps) the idea of being spotaneously hospitable and just as importantly, the ability to read if people were iffy or legit -- all this before there was the vast and easily-accessible social network we call the Internet, for crying out loud. Iffy ones we usually try to offer them an overnight stay at a motel room or something.
- My sarcasm was my means of venting, yet I feel there is some truth in it. I think in the distrusting landscape (and thus paranoia) of this culture, we've become just plain afraid of MANY things, mostly because of misinformation. Seems like we need to "know" about someone or something before we act on them. Spontaneity doesn't just mean "Hey, I have a dollar in my pocket, and I'm not in a rush to be somewhere right now, so here you go, dear homeless/jobless person by the STOP sign, please accept my donation."
It's sad how when we were together, we would disagree on things pertaining to our son, but not to the point of "cease or desist".
Ok, time to get off my soapbox now.
As a sidenote, I've decided to not worry about how I'm going to pay for the legal costs, because it's imperative that I "fight" for our son.
