Divorce....with a side of crazy...

[shewholurks]

ITM,

Soon the 9th will be over and you will wonder why you let yourself build it up to be such a big thing. I do recall my first separated anniversary. I spent it at The Happiest Place on Earth. What could be better than that? Are you near enough to Disney to do so? If not just plan to be ridiculously busy that day.
Hang in there, dear.
*hugs*
~ swl

[kat727]

Definitely be busy! I went out to a chick flick with one of my best friends the first year. After that I would go out with a group or my kids just to be busy. Not such a big deal now.

I know it is hard now but you can get through this.

kat

[ClingingToHope]

I spent our 14th anniversary and 15th anniversaries in Chicago at Cubs games with different friends.

This year, it falls on a Friday of a weekend I'll either have the girls or I'll be working in Madison. Won't find out until that week.

If I have the girls we'll see a movie or something. That date is losing its power over me.

The Dversary date is at the beginning of summer. I'm going to be insanely busy that week too.

Just try to keep busy.

[imthemom]

I wish I was close enough to Disney to spend it there!!..I dep would..we have been talking about wanting to go but there is no money for that right now. Ive decided that at this court date we have on the 2nd that if I finally get my support started that is the first thing we are going to do on summer break!..

Ran into them AGAIN on Wednesday.....that night I was talking to a friend crying on the phone and she said there is going to come a time when you walk right past them and wonder what you ever got to upset about......I cant imagine that but gawd!!!!...I hope that is soon.

[SunFunOne]

It's been going on 11 years since it all began for me and I cannot see them together. Or her alone. I've decided this is just not something I'm even aiming for.

Barb

[mishka422]

ITM, I'll admit, I still to this day watch the cars around me in case ow pops up in my realm. She has a couple of times. She was in a store I was shopping in with a friend last fall and I had a complete panic attack. This is two years after they broke up and he has been with me. It's a PTSD response and it will fade but it will take a LONG time.

Just be kind to yourself. When you run into them try to smile and look mysteriously happy. If that is too difficult you could always pull out your phone and pretend to be talking to someone who is really making you laugh! LOL Just don't turn around and go the other way or hide two aisles over like I did!!!

[SunFunOne]

Mish: The only time I ever saw them that they saw me was at the Funeral Home. And she ran right up my back and breathed down my neck - to allowing me to pay my respects. This is NOT a decent person. She is whacked! On exiting the Funeral Home I had to pass them. He looked sick. She looked HAUGHTY! I wanted to puke but I held my head up. Sadly, I cried for hours after.

I moved 3 hours away. Best thing I could have ever done. I don't think about running into them now.

Barb

[imthemom]

Barb..your ex is still with her 11 yrs later??? omg....that makes me sick!!
Mish...I hate that ...every time I leave the house im looking over my shoulder and it almost never fails, i run into them at least 8 out of 10 times that I leave the house. Since we all live (and her work is) in a 5 block radius of each other it happens more often then not...I thought him moving so close would be a good thing for our S15, that was before we found out that she worked 2 blocks from our house and right around the corner from his new place...convienent... He meets her in the parking lot of her work everyday on his way home, as soon as i figured that out i started avoiding that area like the plague.

and it never gets any easier ...everytime I see them I end up a basket case the rest of the day. Thankfully my son has only been with me one time that we ran into them. I wish I could move away from here!!

I was speaking to my mom last night (she lives out of state ) she always just loved my STBX and just cant believe what is happening. We are not really close and dont talk much about "personal stuff"...but she kept saying that she knows STBX is going to look around one day and regret all of this and show up on my door step...that just sent me into a whole night of thinking and wishing and wondering what happened. And at my Al Anon meeting this week we talked about how they (alcoholics) have so much guilt and shame and how they beat thereselves up so much we have to be gentle and have compassion for them. They are sick...I have a hard time with that when I see him kissing her in a parking lot for god and everyone to see, that doesnt look guilty or like he feels shame to me. Especially since he has 27 months sober and claims to be a better man. I guess lieing cheating and sneaken around are good traits to have now...
Just seems like a hard week...im sure its because of the anniversary comeing up...its so in my head right now. I feel like 18 yrs of my life has been a lie...

[SunFunOne]

Yep ITM,

They're co-dependent and frankly - they deserve each other. I want nothing to do with either of them.

She announced her engagement to him the day before our divorce was final, the day AFTER my mother's funeral. In the newspaper! Such a piece of work. THey didn't even tell our kids they were getting married - when my son called him out on it he said they didn't want anyone to "wreck their day". Yes - that's what he said to his own son.

SO - yes - they're still together and most people - family, friends etc - have nothing to do with them.

Barb

[imthemom]

I COMPLETELY get the surreal feeling...thats how I felt sitting at the stop light watching him kiss her in the parking lot of her work...I thought OMG..there is my husband kissing a girl in a parking lot...i was in shock for about 20 minutes and then cried hysterically for the next 12 hours...thank gawd my son was at a friends house. I had a complete break down and still feel sick just thinking about it...

I force myself to smile and be really friendly when I see him, he doesnt know how to act since he had me served with his purposal from his lawyer and they came after me with a sledge hammer, and even that day I acted like nothing happened and was sweet as pie to him. I decided that if he wants to be hatefull to me thats his choice, if he wants to treat me like IM the one who did something horrible to him, thats his choice to....what ever...

Im so lucky with my Crossfit gym...Ive been with them for 2 and half years and have made great friends...my STBX always paid for it for my bday present even after we seperated because he knew how much I loved it. As soon as he met ow that all stopped but when I told the owner that I just couldnt afford it anymore he insisted that I not quit and has let me go no charge for the past 8 months...I stopped going for 5 months after I found out about ow, I was a mess and just was not motivated. He started calling me and pushing me to get into the gym and I finally started back a few weeks ago. I do feel better when Im working out so Im back at it but I feel like a jerk for not paying so Ive told him as soon as I get my support setteled I would either start paying again or just except that I cant afford it and quit. we will see, depends on how much I get...I did Taekwondo for 7 yrs and am a brown belt, was going for my black belt when I quit but I loved it...have thought about going back to that if I cant do Crossfit anymore. Ive often had fantasies about getting ow in a room and "practiceing" my technique....of course that will never happen but a girl can dream right??? LOL!

Im not looking forward to tomorrow...but it will be there weither i like it or not. Its just a day, it has no power over me...its what I make it I know this...