I was looking at our bills and it looks like she is going to have a large junk of money left from the funds that I give her to pay some of the household bills. Is it wrong for me to suggest that I keep the money in savings?
You should only be giving her enough to cover the joint household bills. If any item is in doubt, err on the generous side, but you should NOT be paying for her cellphone, drinks or anything else she's doing to sustain her waywardness/walk-away'dness. You don't need to "suggest" anything; just make the adjustment next month, and when she asks "Why did you only give me '$X'?", say "Because according to our family budget, that's all that's needed to cover the joint household bills. I decided to keep the rest in savings."
Starsky
P.S. btw, that "I have decided that _______ " phrasing is good to begin to use. It shows decisiveness, and leading, and strength.
Infidiltiy - have not read about that, but I suppose it would not hurt.
Sad, if I remember correctly, you searched but did not yet find any evidence of an active affair. Whether or not there is OM in the picture (and I highly suspect that there is), the script is still very similar. That's why I said "waywardness/walk-away'dness." The dynamics are pretty much the same.
Infidelity is a hard game and starsky plays some of the hardest here, in that regard...
None of us should ever have our heads in the sand thinking that there CAN'T be an OP...
So bringing that into the air can be VERY helpful for us to intake and deal with in the event that hard evidence presents to us WITHOUT SNOOPING FOR IT!!!
Just have a plan B. Consider it as one possibility and ruminate over how you might deal with it intellectually and emotionally and whether you MIGHT be able to get past it...
Okay, between Fergie and Starsky... now, I'm reading along closer...
(Pardon me if I forget some details, as I read your history awhile back)
Finances - I guess I just wonder... why, if you are the one to be distributing money, that she's given more than what is absolutely necessary to handle the household? I'm not sure I'd trust someone whose considering walking away, have access to additional cash...
Plus, if you're asked... and, finances were an issue in the past... Just LEAD, and tell her. "I gave you what was needed to run the house. I kept the rest in savings, and am considering how we can invest in most appropriately."
Drinking - This is just ridiculous behavior coming from a 30-something Mother. My first gut feeling is to ask you if there's a way to lock her butt out, if she's out late, and/or you know she'll be coming home in that state. You have young children.... yet, old enough to get that 'Mom's not normal'!!! I'd get a handle on that quickly. What's next? Taking them to events w/her friends, and driving them home?
Infidelity - I don't think women always have to have someone else lined to up to want to leave. Especially, since your W is in her party girl mode. HOWEVER, there sure are a lot of red flags!!!
Any subtle hints? If you've been intimate lately... new requests, etc...? New undergarments? New purchases from VS, etc...? Does she talk about a male, perhaps a mutual acquaintance, etc... a little more? Women like to talk. She might even find a way to talk abut them TO you... Just cuz, we like to talk.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
W drinks at home and never ever drives period. She goes to work and comes home. Her routine has not switched, except maybe coming home earlier. Usually 2-3 glasses of wine when she drinks and does not go to bars/clubs.
She has been more intimate with me the last month than in years. No new undergarments/VS. She talks about work and all her workers. I don't get any buzz for a particular man.
