Ok Guys, Finally back home.Wow that was a long trip! Glad to report my little girl is now off crutches and wheelchair restriction and can start walking on her own two feet again! She is so happy, and is doing well. Still a little odd given she's been getting around a certain way for a month but she's doing well.
I appreciate everyone's point of view on this situation. I've just spent hours driving, which is the best time to think things over. I think I have a different outlook on what's going on in regards to stbx.
For starters I hadn't been on the freeway 10 minutes this morning before my girls and myself get texts from him. He's checking in of course, but only checks in with the girls, and then texts me about Easter again. Now as of yesterday it was my impression that he offered to take our oldest daughter to the hunt if SHE WANTED. Daughter told him she needed to check in with me first before any solid decision was made and it was left at that.
WEll this morning he texts me and says: "guess I got the Easter egg hunt wrong paper says 1 pm I will be at work"
Then he sends me a picture of article in the paper!
Followed by:"Looks like it goes up to age 12 so this would be her last year to go trying to figure out how to get her there."
So this appears to me that somewhere, somehow he got the idea D12 was just dying to go to this event and that he promised her he would take her. Yet Im led to believe this is a tenative date. So I asked D 12 what was going on over this. She informs me that he said " Are you going to the Egg hunt this year? Do you want to go this year? If you want to go I'll be happy to take you, just let me know! I have no problem taking you!" Once again D12 told him she needed to discuss it with me first before it was decided for sure.
Sooooo basically, I feel he's the one that's dying to do this and has done all he can do but come right out and say " I want to take the girls to this. Will it conflict with any plans you have?", in the round about way that T^2 said he might do if in that sitch.
I see this two different ways. He really does want to be involved but for some crazy reason he just can't come out and ask. T^2, you said guys hate to ask. Why is this? Enlighten me please! For this is a place he and I have never stopped butting heads. He never can come right out and ask for something that means alot to him, it has to be "worked up" into something he wants it to be, or if he manipulates ( good or bad) the situation enough he then gets what he wants. Now something as simple and sweet as wanting to be with his kids on Easter, why one EARTH DOES HE HAVE TO MAKE THIS A 3 RING CIRCUS??? I don't undersand this. This frustrates me and then if I don't watch it I start getting pissy. Even though this is something innocent as time with his kids, I know him well enough. This can quickly go from innocent intentions to " why didn't you read my mind" game some where down the road and a good excuse to spew over something. I can not tell you how many times over the years has he acted like this. He wants something, but won't ask for it, so he orchestrates.
Or my other take is, he just wants to butt in and have as much control as he can because he's finally started to take note his kids are growing up! He missed out on alot with the girls the last 2 years all due to his MLC. D12 is a beautiful young woman and to him he's doing what he can to hold on just a little longer before his girl is totally gone.
At any rate I finally responded back to him. I thanked him (as snodderly suggested) but that I could take the girls to the Easter Egg hunt and that he doesn't have to keep twisting himself like a pretzel over this. I told him our plans for egg hunt at home and why, of course that will change now that D9 has her walking papers now.
His response: " Ok Cool, let me know what the dr says when you get time please".
I also think that perhaps Im reaping what Ive sown and quite frankly I can't handle what I've wanted all along. See all i wanted was to get along. I wanted my co parent back at lease. At first I would've given anything for our marriage and love to be reconcilled and rekindled. But as time marched on this past year, I realized I not only have been parenting these kids mostly alone married to him, I can do it all by myself not married to him. I learned that as much as I've grieved the loss of my marriage,someone that was once my truest friend, that I can and will be just fine alone! And with that I just wanted to get along with him enough just for communication once a week about schedules and that's it. I decided I don't want to be "friends".
I guess I feel stupid here. I've made a point to get along with him, well be myself with him. Which is caring, compliant, assertive, and kind. Honestly my expectations of him were ZERO. I honestly never thought he'd speak to me again and even try to parent with me again. Well now he's just all over it with the co parenting thing now, and as it turns out Im not comfortable with it.
Maybe this sounds odd, but I still need space from him. I still need time. I spent years trying to connect with him over the kids and I got nothing. Now he's here, bigger than life wanting to join in on parenting. And I guess Im being just a tad bit resentful that during our marriage he didn't give a hoot about them, or me, or us as a family. Yet our divorce will be final any day, we've been separated a year in one month, and NOW he's emotionally available for the kids, and somewhat for me as far as the kids are concerned. I havent tried to pursue any other concern with him other than the kids.
I don't want to carry on about details left and right about easter egg hunts, whether the D9 can swim after surgery or not, about how he feels they don't wash their faces enough, how he's afraid D12 was purging because she's lost weight(this is his paranoia), if the kids are bickering or not, what and when they ate last, how he comes on his breaks to pick them up for school in the morning, what his schedule is and why he requested it so it will help with MY WEEK and needs. I don't want him offering to drive D9 4.5 hours a way just so I don't have to do it cause the city traffic makes me nervous.
You know what? Maybe we've switched and Im the one with the attitude of " too little too late". I don't know, I've just got so many emotions whirling around in my head over this. Maybe it's just me fighting the fond feelings his positive behavior brings out in me. It makes me realize I still love him, and that the nice man I thought I had once upon a time still does exist.
And now that I've rambled my head off, what this really amounts to is Fear. I still love that man and I fear the pain I've experienced by having to accept he's doing good things, but still doesn't want a marriage with me. That hurts.
And off my soap box I go, to sleep in my wonderful bed that I've missed during our travels!
